Telling someone who is dealing with an emotionally charged issue to “Let it go” is not okay. I know in this day and age we’re supposed to be all enlightened and spiritual and shit but using this phrase as a response to someone else’s pain is absolute crap.

When someone says to me “Why don’t you just let it go?” what I hear is “there’s something wrong with you if you are still dealing with this” and “I don’t want to listen to you anymore”. There is nothing wrong with processing and we’ll choose to let it go when we’re damned good and ready.

Too often “letting it go” is conflated with “just ignore it and it will sort itself out” (spoiler alert: it won’t) or “this isn’t really worth your time and energy” (I’ll be the judge of that, thank you). Sometimes we need to sit with something until we’ve learned what we were suppose to learn from it, make a change and then, and only then, do we choose to let it go.

It’s not about being unforgiving or unable to moving forward. It’s about figuring out how to get out of the mud when our wheels are spinning. If I’m talking to you about something bothering me, I’m asking for your help or maybe just your time. If you can’t or don’t want to help or give your time, that’s okay, just say so. But don’t ask me why I’m in the mud or tell me to walk away from the car.

We need to be careful with our words. “Let it go” has become part of our vernacular but it is a powerful phrase that one can only use for oneself. It will never be something we can do because someone told us to.